In which I am a freaking inspiration

I didn't want to work out today. I pulled my gym bag from my trunk and thought, I'm tired. I want to go home and eat dinner and watch TV until my brains spill out of my ears.

So maybe I'm slightly more clever after the fact. That's not the point.

What IS the point is that I replied right back to myself, you're going to be tired a lot of days in your life. You're going to be sad, or mad, or frankly a little grossed out by spending time in a smelly, sweaty place with strangers. Most days, you are not going to be 100%. But you can go to the gym.

I wanted to eat all the sugar today. My FedEx guy came by the office and brought doughnuts. And not just your boring glazed, but aaaaaall the kinds. I have to tell you, I probably spent a good 20 minutes of my day thinking about the doughnuts. And breathing in that delicious scent. And, ok, opening the box to stare at them, waiting for a *no calories* sign to magically appear.

Instead, I went back to my office and ate the grapes I had brought from home.

Being healthy is hard. It isn't fun. I find myself staying home from things, because all of this working out and eating healthy has ironically left me grumpy and exhausted. Not to mention I have the self-control of a teaspoon. If it doesn't make me fit, healthiness is probably going to kill me.

They say it gets easier with time, but these are people who speak after they've achieved Great Success From Which All Wisdom Flows. They enjoy going to the gym. They probably eat kale. Do they remember how hard it is to walk into a gym and have no idea what they're doing? To crave that chocolate so badly they can't think of anything else?

Do they remember how it feels to try to change their life, and be so afraid nothing will change after all?

Today I had two victories. And I'm holding on to these small ones for dear life.