In which I am a freaking inspiration

I didn't want to work out today. I pulled my gym bag from my trunk and thought, I'm tired. I want to go home and eat dinner and watch TV until my brains spill out of my ears.

So maybe I'm slightly more clever after the fact. That's not the point.

What IS the point is that I replied right back to myself, you're going to be tired a lot of days in your life. You're going to be sad, or mad, or frankly a little grossed out by spending time in a smelly, sweaty place with strangers. Most days, you are not going to be 100%. But you can go to the gym.

I wanted to eat all the sugar today. My FedEx guy came by the office and brought doughnuts. And not just your boring glazed, but aaaaaall the kinds. I have to tell you, I probably spent a good 20 minutes of my day thinking about the doughnuts. And breathing in that delicious scent. And, ok, opening the box to stare at them, waiting for a *no calories* sign to magically appear.

Instead, I went back to my office and ate the grapes I had brought from home.

Being healthy is hard. It isn't fun. I find myself staying home from things, because all of this working out and eating healthy has ironically left me grumpy and exhausted. Not to mention I have the self-control of a teaspoon. If it doesn't make me fit, healthiness is probably going to kill me.

They say it gets easier with time, but these are people who speak after they've achieved Great Success From Which All Wisdom Flows. They enjoy going to the gym. They probably eat kale. Do they remember how hard it is to walk into a gym and have no idea what they're doing? To crave that chocolate so badly they can't think of anything else?

Do they remember how it feels to try to change their life, and be so afraid nothing will change after all?

Today I had two victories. And I'm holding on to these small ones for dear life.

Living the good life

Hello, world. It's me, Chelsea.

I was trying to come up with a suitable topic for this, the first post in years. What do you say to a crowd of people who no longer know your innermost thoughts (or, more likely, those who do. Hi Mom!)? I toyed with politics (dangerous), what I'm doing with life (meh) or even an obligatory New Year goals post (but really, who cares?). Then I realized, there's only one thing that matters.

Life is good.

2016 was a rough year. And by that, I don't mean the celebrities who died or the natural disasters or anything you could find in the newspaper. I mean I attended 3 funerals of people I loved. My professional life was difficult. I had multiple issues with my computer and phone and car. I felt so incredibly lonely I seriously wondered if I would ever be happy in this place I lived.

But for every disadvantage, every trial, every time I felt like giving up, there was always something good. I went to places I've never been with people I love. I kicked some bad habits (and acquired a few more, but progress is progress). I made friends, the kind of friends you're old enough to realize that you will keep for life.

On the religious side, I'm recognizing how Heavenly Father communicates with me. My favorite conversation with Him happened earlier this year, and it went like this:
Me: Heavenly Father, this was a rough month. Things 1 2 and 3 happened, and I'm nearly at the end of my rope. Every aspect of my life is blowing up. Father, I just need something. Anything.

Him: Well, I gave you Pokemon Go, didn't I?

Fair point.

There will always be good things. You can always try to be better. It's not like life pauses and wherever you are, that's how it'll always be. We have the ability to change and to define good in what we see. We can rise above, and become more than the things that happen to us. I define my reactions, and so I define my life. And that is why my life is beautiful.